Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts

Sunday, 6 April 2014

Politics Over Tea ??

“I think BJP has a very decent chance to form the government this time around.”
“AAP has a pretty solid principle too. They should be given a chance at the center.”
“Nothing matters man. Congress has been fooling the voters for years. The idiots will vote for them again I am sure.”

These are some very common line of thoughts among an average Indian these days. Even those with no idea of the number of states this country has, participate in debates showing off their intellectual prowess concerning politics and national issues. A decade long Congress supporter backs them. The AAPtards then come forward and count the scams Congress government was involved in during their term. The BJPites then shout out loud the recent debacle AAP government faced in the national capital. Everyone points a finger at everyone. Pseudo-intellectuals at work.

Poverty, corruption, education – some of the major issues most political parties base their pre-election manifestoes on. These are brought up in every debate, are part of all contesting candidate’s promises, and are the major points of the current government’s report card. All governments, especially those of the developing nations like India must tend to the said issues. Let’s take an instance – Congress, one of the major players at the national level, has been promising to free the country of poverty since it first came to power and they will continue doing so, it seems that way.

But it may surprise you if I tell you that things can be made better by an individual. Yes, just one person per person. Corruption creeps into the system the moment you take out your wallet to bribe the traffic police officer who just pulled you over because you weren’t wearing a helmet. When you offer a candy to a toddler just to make him repeat the newest word he learnt, well that’s corruption, just an adorable version of it however. Ask yourself once, do you really have the right to accuse the government of multi-crore scams when you were involved in your own mini versions of it ??

If you have no one to blame, blame the government. That’s how it all works. It’s a pretty nice way to go about things. But bragging about your knowledge of the issue plaguing the nation and not once proposing a way to tackle them, well that does not make you a better citizen.

Sunday, 3 November 2013

What if … Rahul Gandhi As PM?


Indian politics is one of the most hyped and discussed topic of interest worldwide at this time, not just because we are a significantly huge democracy, in turmoil these days, but because with over 1.2 billion as population, the next year’s general election may affect the overall IQ of the globe.
The competition for the office of PM has come down to people’s champion NaMo and the mass entertainer RaGa. Almost all of the media, both print and India TV are heavily doped on every statement these two make, every breath they take. Anyway, I think we have the strongest race for the prime position of Indian politics in a long time, with two extremely versatile candidates in fray – one has a way with the masses, the other being Kapil Sharma’s only competition.
However, it would be a “Legen…wait for it...Dary” day if RaGa comes to power. My arguments are as follows:
 1. Common sense will be declared as a superpower.
The country has seen enough. ‘Intelligent voters’ was declared an endangered species the day Congress was elected for a second term. If the tragedy continues for a third straight term, legends like APJ Abdul Kalam will be declared Stan Lee’s super-humans, and common sense would surely be a superpower – being possessed by only a handful few.
 2. Freshers will have a solid defense.
Since eternity, fresh graduates have been cold-shouldered for lack of experience. Consider this – if a totally useless person with no previous cabinet responsibility and with no leadership quality whatsoever is the first choice of an entire political party to be the PM, this can certainly be used to get a job in that very country!
“I’m sorry, you have no previous experience. We can’t hire you.”
“But sir, Rahul Gandhi…”
“Yeah, fair point, kal se aa jaana kaam par.”
Continue reading... for the complete article at Campusghanta.com.

Sunday, 15 September 2013

The Gandhi Clan - Software Version !!

Jawaharlal Nehru (v J.0) went offline in 1964 after a hard disk failure owing to outdated hardwares. Indira Gandhi (v J.1.0) went offline in 1984 after her systems were hacked by her own anti viruses. Rajiv Gandhi (v J.2.0) was online till 1991 when a trojan managed to sneak past the firewall and blew the systems directory.

Sonia G (v J.2.1) and Rahul G (v J.3) [the modified version of Rajiv G], are running on the latest processors with frequent software upgrades provided by various open service providers. Their system files have been inaccessible lately, being protected by an illogical OS (UPA) and antiviruses (DigVJ, PC, Manish Tiwari etc.).

Their firewall models have been challenged by Arvind K, the latest and advanced software released by Anna Hz. This software has uncovered some scam folders occupying large segments of system memory and HD space and having a few files related to the G-family softwares.

Friday, 6 September 2013

Digvijay Singh Hospitalized Following an Overuse of Common Sense


Congress party’s very own KRK equivalent, Digvijay Singh, was hospitalized early in the morning following some mental instability.
It is speculated that his behavior was the result of a rational argument with his milkman and sabjiwaala which might have burdened his brain with this unusually demanding job of logic.
His family seemed worried and said this was alarming since he hasn’t used his brain ever since he joined Congress and may have a severe consequence.
The milkman and the sabjiwaala have been booked for harassment and for ‘compelling a politico out of his comfort zone’. (Both of them gave up midway of the argument, unable to digest his logic).
With an IQ of 43, Digvijay Singh is one of the smartest members of the Congress and the party members seemed mindful of this fact. Sonia ji, Rahul baba and other members have been pouring in to wish Digvijay a speedy recovery. Raj Babbar sent his Rs.12 ‘get well soon’ greeting card and Mr. Moily expressed his solidarity in a press conference after 8 pm.
An inside source, begging to be named, has told Faking News that Digvijay Singh is stable and the doctors have recommended him to continue with his statements in the media.
The medical staff taking care of him has been quarantined fearing contamination with his brain wreckage. He will be unleashed (read discharged) for the country to bear after some more tests. “Oh shit” was the most common expression after this news.

This post has also been published on Faking News.

Congress Party Ticket Application Form

Thank you for showing interest in a Con-gress Party ticket. We are the undisputed leaders in fooling the voters for over 60 years now. Come join us and be a part of it.
Eligibility
  1. Must follow Rahul baba, Digvijay Singh and others on twitter and re-tweet their tweets frequently. Must like all Gandhi family pages on Facebook.
  2. Must be willing to participate in regular scams.
  3. Must be Secular (hahaha) and anti-Modi.
  4. Swiss bank accounts are a necessity.
Perks and benefits
  1. Complete insurance cover (including prison-free tenure, patents for scams) for 5 years if selected.
  2. Claim to fame by being publicly stupid in the media (under the guidance from Sri Digvijay ji).
  3. Free travel.
  4. Potential President-ship after retirement.

Please fill the following form to the join the biggest name in the Con business.
Personal details
Name ________________________ (surname must NOT be Modi or related)
IQ ______ (above 50 not acceptable)
Age_______
Sex_____ (Male/Female /Engineer/Uncertain)
Favorite Digvijay Singh quotes ______________________________________________________
In case of you or the party is found guilty, please choose the default entity to blame
  • RSS
  • Opposition ki saazish
  • ISI
  • Arvind Kejriwaal, Anna

Experience
No of scams participated in ____
Details of any major scam and your role ________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dinner at a dalit’s house ?? (yes/no) ______
(If no, then have some and upload the pictures on our Facebook page for further verifications)
Targeted net worth over the next 5 years ___________

Constituency details
(Note – the constituency must have at least 5 streets, street lamps etc. named after a Gandhi family member)
Constituency name ____________
Development details and projections for the next few years ________________________________________________________________
(‘pothole-free roads’, ‘24 hour water and electricity supply’, and other such abusive terms must not be used)

Details to take care of while filling the form
  1. Any disrespect to Con-gress, Rahul baba or any respect to anyone else may result in the applicant being locked in a room with Digvijay Singh’s media comment tapes.
  2. The party reserves the rights to tag any applicant as a member of the opposition or RSS.
  3. Any mention of Gujarat or M-word will be dealt with severe consequences.

This post has also been published on Faking News.
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