Thursday, 18 July 2013

Bollywood And Script - A Tragic Love Story !!

A clear sunny morning turned eventful when the famous Bollywood ran into his long lost friend and ex, Script.

“Hey Bollywood, long time, how are you??” said Script, just for the sake of a conversation.
“Pretty good. You??” frowned Bollywood, looking away, trying his best to ignore her, just like he has been for the past so many years.
“I am good too. Never better. Actually I am working with Hollywood now. You know you could’ve…”
“I DON’T NEED YOU” yelled Bollywood, cutting her statement midway. “Just so you know, I am doing very well without you. I am popular here”
“Yeah I’ve heard. Those people would even pay to watch a pig fight. You aren’t that good, know that.”
And with that, they parted ways. Bollywood looked back at her, with just a touch of remorse. He may act like he doesn’t care, but deep down somewhere, even he knows, Bollywood needs Script.

The golden era of Indian cinema is long gone and forgotten. There used to be a time when movies were not only a means of entertainment, but a display of creative prowess and sheer art. The black and white era, now frowned upon for its simplicity and genius, can be summed up as - classic. Then arrived the colored world of cinema. And from the very beginning, it started producing legends that will be remembered for ages to come. 

The magic, however, seemed to lose touch during the late 90s and late 10s of the new decade. The complete weight of the industry fell upon a handful of actors, filmmakers, singers and all as most others were fascinated by the new form of movies - crap.

The turn of the century, or the millennium rather, started a new exciting phase in Hindi cinema. There have been some path-breaking as well as numerous common-sense defying movies. The crappy cinema, that started developing in the previous decade, expanded and took over the box office.

Somewhere towards the end of the decade, Bollywood and Script broke up and all hell broke loose over the movie lovers. Some movies horrified movie goers to death. And no, they weren’t necessarily horror movies.

The decade started on a positive note, with cult comic Hera Pheri, the refreshing Dil Chahta Hai and classic period tale of the underdogs Lagaan which, in fact, went great distance at Oscars as India’s official entry. Company, Black, Rang De Basanti, Omkara, Dev D, Gangs of Wasseypur are some notable movies worth a mention.
Even guru, which is already immortalized as the No idea Man Abhishek Bachhan’s only watchable movie.

These and some more similar movies and film-makers are the only support preventing the ship of Bollywood from sinking low.

However the trouble is that movies of such excellence have been rare and much less frequent. In terms of movies, off late, the market has flooded with some release that are burdening for the people with workable common-sense. A lot more issues have plagued Bollywood and may have played a part in the break-up.

Bade baap ki aulaadein…

In a country of over a billion, at least a million want to be actors. It’s stupid but it’s what it is. Mumbai is filled with wannabe actors and ironically, Bollywood too has more wannabe actors than actual actors.
Papa, papa mujhe actor banna hai :’( ”
ale le le, mera beta actor banega. Chalo aapke liye ek movie banwate hain.”
Voila! Love Story 2050 – a futuristic tale of the current disaster i.e. Harman Baweja, dubbed as ‘garibon ka Hritik Roshan’. 
His second movie with the same co-star wasn’t much to boast either. In the best interest of humanity, he’s nowhere to be seen these days.
“papa, papa mujhe bhi actor banna hai”
“arre wah ! achha beta Ekta, bhaiyya ke liye bhi ek movie bana do”
A conversation in Tushaar Kapoor’s home, as a result of which, quite a lot of movie fanatics were to be tortured. 

Now, I just can’t help but recall a scene from a movie…
The lead actor, some director’s son or so, messes up his dialogues. Our very own Tushaar, a junior artiste in the scene, challenges him by laughing at the misery and bags the role replacing the ‘bade baap ka beta’ by doing a better job at acting’.
Compare this scene with the real life situation we have here and wonder – how more moronic can it get??

This has really been a disturbing development in recent Bollywood trends – the growing crop of actors banking on their parent’s reputation or money to enter the industry while the deserved ones roam around knocking at different doors. And this crop has had disturbing effects on Bollywood movies and the scripts. Exceptions do exist and I am grateful for that. But these not-so-good actors are never out of jobs. They team up with not-so-good directors and not-so-good musicians to create a piece of poop.
Copy and paste - the weapon of mass destruction,

One can argue that over the years, so many movies have been made that any new movie must have some similarities with some previous work. A good defense. But one has to give credit to the sheer audacity with which movies are copied from one place and pasted onto Bollywood.
Writing scripts, dialogues, creating new music and other creative processes may take a lot of time. That’s why, in some other notable cinema cultures, movies may even take up to half a decade from their conception to final release. And defying all sense, Bollywood told creativity to fuck off.

First of all, this whole concept of copying and pasting was developed by us engineers. Our entire career is based on those two magical words. No credit whatsoever. Pritam has made a complete domain of composing music out of the concept. Legend has it that Pritam transformed some nation’s national anthem into a Bollywood song. Terrific, but still no credit.

Bollywood started the trend of remakes. And horrifying ones at that. Not to be confused, they are just a rather polite form of the concept just mentioned above. As a reault, a timeless classic like Sholay became Aag, which even the MCD refused to categorize as crap.

Hey Bollywood, if you have the guts, try remaking Lal Badshah.

A smart way around the laborious process of writing creative and original scripts could be adaptations.
But said Bollywood,” I’ve heard Hollywood is good at adaptations. Let him take the pain. We’ll just get ‘inspired’ from their work, if you know what I mean. We’ll call them ‘tributes’ ”
And some random shit,

Recently, movie theatres are glutted with some 2-3 hour pieces of modernized torture techniques erroneously called movies.

Ready, Bodyguard, Dabangg, Ek Tha Tiger.
Rings a bell ?? Well yes - same actor, same low grade reviews, and surprisingly they turned out to be box office favorites, or so the profits say. There’s even a mathematical postulate describing Salman Khan fans,
“The combined IQ of all Salman Khan Fans will always be less than the actor’s age.”

Jab tak hai jaan, nahi dekhenge ‘Jab Tak Hai Jaan’. So the people claimed.

It gives me goosebumps just to imagine the fate of those who had to bear movies like Son of Sardar, Himmatwala etc. The movie theatres screening such movies may well be called our desi versions of the German concentration camps.

Then the movies like Student of the Year, err.. leave me speechless. A high school girl dancing around in a bikini – well, in a country churning out a million engineers every year, this movie is the ultimate fantasy.

A phone rings.
Voice mail.

“Hey Script, (pause) I am really sorry for last week.. and the past few years.. umm.. I shouldn’t have been such a jerk. (pause) I guess .. err ..  I think we should give our relationship another chance..err..  if you do want to, of course. (long pause) I think we can work a way out. (pause) Give me a call back as soon as you can. I miss you. Err.. it’s Bollywood.”

There was never a call back.
It wasn’t meant to be.


  1. Movies are made to suit the tastes of the majority (targeted) audience. Maybe you might want to consider that point, as well.

    1. I agree but it was just a personal opinion not meant to offend anyone's sensibilities :)

  2. Completely agree with your post here, but you seem to have constrained yourself to the big budget blockbuster movies only.

    What about movies like Kahaani, Paan Singh Tomar, Gangs of Wasseypur, and the other movies made by the new age directors? Are you accusing them also of not having strong enough scripts? Or even better, are you not even considering them Bollywood (which would be very accurate in my opinion).

    As long as movies like Ek Tha Tiger, Ready, Bodyguard, Wanted, and similar dishwater sells tickets and makes 100 crores at the box office, more and more movies will continue to be made to cater to the 'lowest common denominator'. The only hope that I have is that at least some of the money made by these movies will slowly find its way to fund some meaningful cinema.

    1. I am glad you liked the article :)

      As far as the movies like Kahaani, Paan Singh Tomar, Gangs of Wasseypur are concerned, they are pure script based classic movies and I didn't want to to them injustice by comparing them with Ready, Bodyguard or similar crap (regarding the script not the entertainment).

      I myself, am a big fan of story and script oriented offbeat cinema and actors like Atul Kulkarni, Irrfan Khan, Nawaz Siddiqui. Salman Khan movies and the above mentioned movies are of different genres altogether and any comparison would be an assault on the senses.

    2. I too like atul kulkarni and actors of his genre and ur words are well put these days bollywood movies are all about making money plus everything is just so predictable nowadays in movie,there is nothing called a climax
      All in all i loved this article


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