Monday, 1 July 2013

Qayamat – The Story Of Every Semester !!

'oye, tere internal mein kitne lage ??'
'17 (out of 25). Tere ??'
'20 :)'
'saale, itne kaise mil gaye, dono baar to fail tha tu !!'
pata nahi mujhe bhi :l ’

As the dreaded 'end semester exams/majors' draw near, most of the commonplace conversations assume a similar tone. It becomes a standard protocol to bring up the query at least once regardless of the initial topic the chat started with.

'kitne chahiye pass hone ke liye ??' becomes the new 'kaisa hai bc'. Everyone starts wondering how the other dumbster got more marks than him. It’s the professors way of implementing the divide and rule policy.

These chats, on an average, are the most common scenario, probably some 10 days before the majors. However, no face would reflect even a slight hint of tension, or 'load' as we call it. Maybe because, those who had to study, did.. and those who hadn't, won't until the last night. That's right, the famous 'last night preparations'.

It all starts in the semester before, with the brave, chest-thumping declaration 'bas ye same nikal jaaye, agle mein faad ke rakh denge'. But everyone eventually ends up mugging till 3 AM the night before exams. For beginners, it takes a couple of semesters for the feeling to sink in, that the last night is all we have. The plans of studying on a daily basis with a timetable (hahaha, this was funny), don't materialize too well for the majority. We have the superpowers to do wonders in do-or-die situations, especially when it comes down to examinations, so why not use those powers. We like to take our chances.

Instead, as soon as the semester starts, we go back to our routines - the frequent bunks (mass bunks for some lucky batches), canteen visits, hang outs and all. The proclamations of the previous semester don’t mean a thing now. The books issued from the library are safely put in individual lockers. They are in safe hands now, for one semester as they won’t be bothered much. For hostellers, laptops and internet connection are their best friends.

A month or so passes without any hassle till an idiot announces one random day,”minors ki datesheet lag gayi”. Ye sunte hi humari lag gayi. But seriously, apart from the crazy, enthusiastic fuchhas, not many of the senior students give any serious attention to minors.
The minors (or minors or mid-terms) aren't that scary so as to cause scampering for notes and all. They are just meant for us to be able to decide which books to buy or what notes are better and crap. And this buying process starts precisely before the majors, not a minute sooner.

Minors are for fun time, majors are for gun time.

Our preparation for the minors mostly consists of knowing the date and time of the exams, preparing a mock timetable and having fun no matter what. Normally, as you move up the ladder of seniority, the mere sight of books starts annoying you. Exceptions do exist and they are the lifelines for the rest of us.

After the mock trials of the majors are done in the form of minors, we are required to bear the practical examinations (sahi pehchana, wahi viva wale).
Practical exams, now they are an annoyance really, a total waste of time (by common perception). All you have to do is connect a few circuits, light a few LEDs or run a program successfully. All of these are done successfully even if not a single soul knows a thing. Then the viva are just an event where whoever sits silent the longest, wins. And we have a tough competition here too.

We start scavenging for the right books and notes as soon as the practical are over. Okay, now back to the real deal - theoretical exams. These words are dreaded all over the student’s fraternity. Toppers worry about missing a topic. Even the idea of a decimal drop in aggregate freaks them out. The rest of us worry about burdening our already used up brain with an out of syllabus topic by mistake. One can easily notice students confirming the syllabus a hundred times before starting a topic, to bump off any risk.

And during the last days before the finals, conversations take a serious tone as in ‘kitna padh liya ?’. Now, the guy asking such a question, more often than naught, is yet to start finding his books and is unaware of the syllabus. All he wants for an answer is a plain, sad looking ‘kuch nahi bhai’ or ‘kal se padhunga’. Respect his feelings. Please.

Countdown to the ‘battle’...

10 days to go...
(‘nervousnessrating - 0)
No worries baby. 6 subjects, 10 days... Wait, one exam has a 3-day break, and one has a 2-day break. This precious preparatory leave won’t be wasted on those two stupid subjects. So it’s down to 4 subjects, 10 days. I am so going to nail this semester :D!!

9 days to go...
(nervousnessrating – 0.2)
Sleep. Breakfast. Sleep. Lunch. Sleep. Have a look at the syllabus. Movie. Dinner. Sound sleep. Oh yeah !!

8 days to go…
(nervousnessrating – 0.5)
“Bro, what’s the best book for Digital ?”
“Syllabus hai usme complete ?”
kahan milegi ?
oye, kahan jaa raha hai ?"
"books kharidne"

7 days to go…
(nervousnessrating – 1.0)
The target is set to something like ‘5 topics per subject’. All that is accomplished is one topic of the easiest subject, that too without the numerical part of it. Efficiency is low no doubt, but at least it’s not zero.

6 days to go…
(nervousness rating – 1.8)
Probably this is when we come to terms with the lingering danger and the magnitude of it. When we realize it’s less than a week to go and we haven’t covered any significant, worthwhile topic, it’s bound to numb the brain. But that’s the trigger. This realization is what that helps us in getting our acts together and start worshipping the books again.

5 days to go…
(nervousnessrating – 2.7)
This is the point beyond which the ‘fati padi hai’ rating starts skyrocketing. Every passing minute seems precious. Some are even willing to skip a meal or two to devout the time to books. We think it will help, but the time saved is wasted making rough, mental timetables and resolutions for the next semester.

4 days to go…
(nervousnessrating – 4.0)

Now with just 4 days remaining, it’s a dilemma whether to study for the first exam or try the subject having not more than a single day of relaxation. And the day passes with none of the subjects touched.

3 days to go…
(nervousnessrating – 5.9)
These 3 days are dedicated solely to the first exam. The rest of the exams are doomed unless something magical happens during the night before the tests.

2 days to go…
(nervousness rating – 8.1)
Slowly, our brain starts functioning again when the rust has been removed during the previous few days. The syllabus which seemed pretty casual turns into a herculean task to complete. Laptops are switched off, mobiles are put off senseless gossiping (bakchodi) is cut out.

1 day to go…
(nervousness rating – 10.3)
Lut gaye, barbaad ho gaye. Ab kuch nahi ho sakta.  
We could see our life’s flashback in front of our eyes. All hopes steadily come down to close. Luckily, if we had covered a few topics during the minors, we revise them and leave the rest.

Although, as the seniority level rises, thenervousness’ ratings dive down to be below 5 even on the day before the majors.

One thing is good about the last night preparations, however, is when pressure mounts up, our efficiency suddenly bounces off the charts. That’s the beauty of it all.
The rest of the papers are dealt with in somewhat similar manner. Some topics are studied afresh, some are revised and others are left alone, for good. By the time the last exam comes up, all our energy is drained out. We have a sound sleep for a day. It is planned that we will study hard for the last one, but who were we kidding. So it turns out, in the end, that of the two days we had for preparations, only the last night was utilized !!

We heave a sigh of relief after the ordeal is over. 
No issues about our final percentage, we never expect much anyway. At least the exams are over.                     


  1. true to every word! n to add..some people decided that ordeal should not end here. they update you when the sheets will be shown, n how much marks you got..just so that they can brag about theirs.*nerds n jerks*.

    1. haha.. i agree and those guys are universally hated :)

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