David Letterman Leaves His Late Night Legacy Behind

David Letterman signed off on a high. He didn’t choke up on his last day on the job. He didn’t make any teary eyed speech. He must be broken up inside - 33 years is long time for a job to become part of one’s existence. And to part away spreading laughter is testament to the legacy of Dave Letterman, a legacy 33 years and over 6000 shows old. He signed off the same way he started – with the elegant comedy late night viewers have accustomed to expecting from him for over three decades.

David Letterman started in show-business in 1978, impressing Johnny Carson and becoming a regular guest on The Tonight Show hosted by Carson, whom Letterman credits as being his mentor and earliest influence. Late Night with David Letterman debuted 33 years ago, in 1982 on NBC with Bill Murray as the first guest. A cake smeared Bill Murray appeared as a guest on the penultimate show and also in the Top-10 segment on the final episode. In 1992, Dave left NBC to host Late Night with David Letterman on CBS network after apparently, he was denied the The Tonight Show by NBC, a job which went to Jay Leno. He announced his retirement in April last year and Stephen Colbert was nominated as his worthy successor soon after.

Read the complete piece at Campusghanta :)

Ode to the Refrigerator

[So I lost my refrigerator after some 20 years. Here’s a heartwarming, emotional ode to that mighty machine, from the bottom of my cold heart.]

I remember when you came home for the first time. I followed you all the way from being unloaded from the truck to inside the home a floor up. I gave up my prized striker’s position which came but rarely, tossed the bat in air and accompanied you all the way to my home. I remember protecting you from the leering eyes of the spectators, some of them my own friends trying to convince to come back and finish the match. But they soon realized, nothing was more important than welcoming you home. I remember you being carried up the stairs while I marveled at your beauty and shine. I still remember that day like it was yesterday, even after some 20 years have gone by in reality. I remember when you were switched on for the very first time, amazed by the golden, sparkly light that lit up when the door was opened. 

You were a constant presence in my home, before I started school and when I finished school. I remember you were there when I woke up in the middle of the night, hungry and thirsty. You were the sight that calmed and soothed the senses in times like those. You kept the water cold when it needed to be. You kept the food fresh when it needed to be. You selflessly served the family and guests for 2 decades. Never asked for anything out of the ordinary, never complained, never gave us a reason to worry. You were there when we needed to put stuff on top of something. You were the constant companion when we moved from one house to another. 

And after all these years, 20 years, I heard about your sad demise when we needed you most (summer season is upon us). And look at us mortals, unable to think past our own interests, we are off to find a new refrigerator.

Why NOTA is an option we can do without...

The Supreme Court ruled to include the option of NOTA in all ballot systems. NOTA of None of the above is the right of voters to reject all candidates in an election. NOTA is considered as an alternative to an earlier procedure to reject a candidate – Section 49(O), Conduct of Elections Rules, 1961. The voter had to inform the presiding officer and ask for Form 17A to cast his negative vote, which incidentally revealed the voter’s identity. NOTA keeps the very basic principle of secret balloting intact.

However, the overall impact of introducing NOTA on the election result is zero. Naught. Nil. Which is why it seems to be as good as an option as a non-existent one. First of all, NOTA has no electoral value. A senior EC official has said that even if the maximum share of votes is for NOTA, the winning candidate will be chosen based on the rest of the votes. For instance, if two candidates A and B receive 20% and 30% of the total votes respectively and the NOTA’s share is 40%, candidate B takes home the crown because NOTA’s 40% vote share amounts to nothing.

The only thing that NOTA contributes to is the reduction of the total significant votes, not impacting the outcome of the election whatsoever. If someone is adamant on pressing the NOTA button, his/her contribution to the election will be as good if he/she didn’t even turn up to vote. It is highly unlikely for a significant majority to stand in long queues just to reject all the candidates when in the end their vote may not pose any threat to the election of that very candidate they rejected. It’s pretty much like working on a project with all your devotion knowing it won’t matter at all.

The main objective of democracy is to give citizens the power to choose a candidate of their choice. If every voter choses to reject all candidates, no one will get elected which defeats the purpose of an election. Such a situation of rejection of candidates by everyone will result in empty seats, null elections and will lead to re-election, which will consume a major chunk out of the taxpayer’s money.

NOTA could have been a significant election reform had it been negative voting. In a society where selfless favors are a rare occurrence, it’s doesn’t make a good choice to provide the option to reject all options available. It is highly irregular that someone would reserve a table at a fancy restaurant just to look at the menu and reject all the options available.

NOTA essentially is equivalent to flipping off all the political candidates in their face. But we do that on social media all through the year nevertheless.

Here, Take My Religion... I don't Need It

Religion is very confusing – as a word, as an institution and everything else it may represent. So here’s definition I found quite apt – “a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects”. And all such definitions were centered on terms like belief, rituals, faith and devotion. So that’s settled then. Extrapolating the definition a bit, we find that science is a religion too. And so is shopping, sleeping and not giving a shit because a lot of us have faith, belief and devotion for the said practices.

On a more serious note though, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism etc. and Cricket are the real ones we recognize as religion. They have their teachings, religious books, so called Gods and their own dedicated fan following. The set of beliefs that a particular religion represents can be misconstrued and misinterpreted in different ways and this does happen. A lot. And these varied interpretations may gain a following and may lead to the birth of a different sect within a religion. Sooner or later this would create a conflict. There is no international organization like the BCCI to make rules for everyone to follow.

And even if there aren’t sub-divisions to fight with, there are other religions. And guess what, my religion is better than yours. My area’s MLA’s driver saw the movie PK and came back red faced over the disrespecting portrayal of his boss’s religion. Now I didn’t see the movie but fuck that. How dare Aamir Khan, or anyone for that matter, disrespect my religion uh.. like that driver says ?? My religion preaches compassion and forgiveness. But fuck that. Let’s troll Aamir first.

It’s not any religion’s fault but the mindless population blindly following a god-man or freelancing with their own religious opinions. Most likely, no one exactly gets what his religion, that he so ferociously protects, teaches. Not many have read the religious scriptures in their lifetime and if they have they hardly understand what It means. They just go with what that Godman says. And ‘that’ godman may be different from someone else’s. And BAM! We have got ourselves a difference of opinion which sometimes gets magnified to extremely dangerous proportions.

Sometimes with no fault of their own and sometimes with, these godmen enjoy a dangerously powerful position in the society. They have the public, which lacks the magical power of ‘thinking’, into their hands and can be easily manipulated to incite one sect or religion against other. This right here is a politician’s orgasm – the power of manipulation. Religious extremists employ religion as a means to sway the population any which way they prefer. They don’t deter from using violence to point across and then use religion to justify. And this exists across religions.

Religion in India is an extremely sensitive issue. If you do a random activity, like say make a movie, chances are you will upset someone. That little anecdote you so stealthily tried to hide across 10 different scenes spread over 2 hours of runtime will come back to bite you in the ass. In a country of over a billion, there must be someone who will get offended by a dialogue, a character, a distant synonym of a word which referred to some caste millions of years ago and believe me, the media will not let him keep that to himself.

I found it best to keep my distance from religion. Currently I am somewhere in the middle of being an agnostic and a full blown atheist. I have my reasons. I find it very challenging to keep up with countless customs and guidelines a devout follower of a particular religion has to abide by. You are not allowed to eat meat on certain days because you’ll get a straight red card to hell if you as much as smelled meat on the unanimously set days. And you are allowed to commit murder on the rest of the days without being fouled by God.

And I get annoyed by strange restrictions forced on me by my devout parents. I am not allowed to have a haircut on certain days due to different reasons and that leaves me with a window of a couple of days to part with my hair. I am not allowed to buy new or wear new shoes, clothes on some days, not to travel on certain days and to sleep with my head pointed in a particular direction. I don’t remember the specifics because I do not care. Never did. There are numerous other strangely illogical superstitions resulting out of religious beliefs somehow.

I always have had a hard time standing in front of an idol, and praying with closed eyes. That, for me, is laziness and a pessimistic lack of confidence in one’s own abilities. According to some popular beliefs, God helps those who help themselves. Then by asking the almighty for some extra marks, money and blessings defies the very sentiment of the statement. A little faith in oneself, in one’s own power and capabilities more than makes up for the fact that you need someone’s blessings to accomplish a task.

Why are we required, by social convention, to try and please a deity which is nothing more than a rock figure we have surrendered ourselves to?? A religion is nothing more than story developed to answer what science can’t. The universe wasn’t created by a God, nor will it come to end due to one, and he certainly doesn’t control and command the weather and the rains.

This entire web of words is not merely the rant of a soon-to-be atheist. I am in no way suggesting that you let go of your religion and follow me in my own directionless quest of nothingness. I am not asking you to forego your family’s traditions and customs. . I do not use my lack of religious beliefs to mock someone who does have a dedicated faith in his religion. There is faith and then there is blind faith. The least we can do is keep our eyes and mind open and weigh some logic defying customs and avoid being a tool for someone for his/her own selfish gains.

There is no hell, only the obnoxious reality we live in. And heaven is just some optimist's overly creative imagination.

Across the International Border

A 10 year old sluggish boy throws stones at a full grown 25 year old professional wrestler then runs back to a third party requesting to intervene because the wrestler decides to return the favor and throws those stones back – the India-Pakistan’s IB ceasefire issue doesn't get put into simpler words. Pakistan has been known to violate the ceasefire agreement continuously on a regular basis. India hardly retaliated back so it came as a shock to Pakistan when the change in government resulted in a change in India’s stance towards these violations. And Pakistan ran to the UN asking them to intervene. It’s pretty much like poking a giant panda with a sharp knife and running to WWF when the animal has exhausted his patience. Hats off.

The root cause of Pakistan’s Army’s persistent firing across the border is their ego. Pakistani Army and Pakistani government are two sides of different coins. They do not seem to be in communication with one another. When Pakistan’s foreign minister disguises himself/herself as an ambassador of peace and visits India, ironically Pakistan’s army is firing all cylinders back at the border, oblivious to the fact that one of their own is in the country they are firing at. Or maybe they just don’t give a damn. Pakistan’s army and ISI have always tried to overshadow their government’s efforts, possibly honest ones, to setup peace talks with India. But all those efforts are flushed down the toilet by a single bullet fired across the border by the Pak army.

Now why is Indian retaliation in order to safeguard their border such a big deal ?? How is it acceptable to take a beating time and again and not fight back ?? The most patient virtues tumble at some point. As it turns out, India’s answer to Pakistan’s firing is a lot more ferocious and intense then their usual shelling. The Indian army and the BSF have been given complete control by the Indian government to act. And the recent retaliation just seems to be ‘Act I’ of seemingly long play. The previous government, much like the PM, was mum to the firing across the border which Pakistan misleadingly assumed as complete autonomy to do whatever they wanted without the slightest fear of an Indian answer. The government changed and so did the India’s stance at the border.

Pakistan is running for cover and understandably so. To begin with, they ran to the UN and expressed their shock at the heavy firings from the Indian side as Pakistan’s Ranger were just carrying out their ‘usual firing at the border’. They mistook the UN for the US – Pakistan’s usual savior. Times have changed and the government too. The safest way for Pakistan to save their already depleting strength of the army from India’s wrath is, well, to fuck off. India is a peaceful nation. No one argues that notion. But there is only so much pressure even diamond can withstand. Patience is a virtue better left untested, especially when you are up against the 3^rd largest army on the globe. 

The Perverted Minds.

Breasts and cleavages have become a part of the news headlines. The obsession of a significant part of the population has made it into national dailies. Women are subjected to heinous rapes every other day. Even innocent girls aged 3 are raped. What did they do to deserve that?? What have we done as a society to deserve such barbaric criminals??

Journalism these days seems to have accepted and surrendered to the pervert-ness prevalent in the society. To garner readership and views and traffic (in case of e-versions of news), the news agencies are providing fodder to the mentality of the perverts and deteriorating in the ethics of journalism in the process. The recent furor over a news headline shared by a leading national daily in which Deepika Padukone’s cleavage was the center of attention is an apt example. There was a widespread protest over such atrocious objectification of a woman that too in a newspaper of nation-wide readership. Deepika herself came out with a prompt and courageous reply. The newspaper however followed up with blatant refusal to accept blame and mentioned they were appreciating the actress’s beauty. Okay. But what about the rest of the zoomed up displays of breast and cleavages which fills up the entertainment pages of most of the news portals.

Is it even justified to try to justify such objectified portrayals of the better half of the population??

But seriously, is the newspaper really to blame?? It just tried to cater to the outrageous mentality of the society of staring at bare legs and breasts all the time. The fact that it happened in the national level news portal is what brought it to attention and attracted the social media’s ire. But what about those sick stares our friends, sisters have to tackle during their daily travel in a bus or a metro?? Who is to check and counter them??

Then there are news reporting rapes one after the other in different parts of the country. Those animals do not spare the innocence of a 3 year old even, scarring her for the rest of her life. But there is hardly any follow up over such incidents unless the social media takes up to protest the atrocious level of the crime. The police, the law enforcers, hardly show any eagerness to catch the criminals.

Like most of the issues faced by the society, this has a solution. The media houses have the power to influence people. And this responsible power is being increase popularity at any cost possible. Instead it would be more beneficial if the media houses come together and enforce a more ethical code of journalism. Appreciate the beauty, not objectify it.

And as part of the society, we seriously need to curb the perversion. Alcohol and a horny man is a dangerous combination. The police needs to invest more in the safety of the women. And the police needs to be more active and eager to fight such heinous criminals.

Also, fellow horny Indians, “Keep your eyes down and dicks in check.”

Can An Individual Make A Difference??

I was having my dinner, the usual tasteless hostel food, just shoving the food down the esophagus somehow, convincing myself of its edibility. I overheard this conversation. There was a lot of logic-less mumbling about the political scenario of the country, but the gist is here. It was fascinating.

“I think BJP has a very decent chance to form the government this time around.”

“AAP has a pretty solid principle too. They should be given a chance at the center.”

“Nothing matters man. Congress has been fooling the voters for years. The idiots will vote for them again I am sure.”

These are some very common line of thoughts among an average Indian these days. Even those with no idea of the number of states this country has, participate in debates showing off their intellectual prowess concerning politics and national issues. A decade long Congress supporter backs them. The AAPtards then come forward and count the scams Congress government was involved in during their term. The BJPites then shout out loud the recent debacle AAP government faced in the national capital. Everyone points a finger at everyone. These are the pseudo-intellectuals at work.

Poverty, corruption, education – some of the major issues most political parties base their pre-election manifestoes on. These are brought up in every debate, are part of all contesting candidate’s promises, and are the major points of the current government’s report card. All governments, especially those of the developing nations like India must tend to the said issues.

Let’s, for a moment, assume that the government can’t be expected to deliver on its promises, any government for that matter. In that case, can we, as individuals, contribute positively towards these issues ?? Now, I am skeptical if the answer to this question is a ‘yes’, but it is most certainly not a hopeless ‘no’.

It may surprise you if I tell you that things can be made better by an individual. Yes, just one person per person. Corruption creeps into the system the moment you take out your wallet to bribe the traffic police officer who just pulled you over because you weren’t wearing a helmet. When you offer a candy to a toddler just to make him repeat the newest word he learnt, well that’s corruption, just an adorable version of it however. Ask yourself once, do you really have the right to accuse the government of multi-crore scams when you were involved in your own mini versions of it ??

Poverty in itself is not the root cause to be devoting a huge fraction of the budget to. Unemployment, unbalanced social structure and some factors eventually lead to a person being poor. If someone promises you the eradication of poverty, he’s lying to your face. Just reset the poverty line and you have eradicated poverty, on paper at least. It requires an aggressive approach aimed at the root causes that lead to poverty. On a larger scale, of course, governments are required to implement a well thought plan in place. Providing property rights, extending economic, financial help are some ways to tackle poverty. Instead of offering money to the poor child on the traffic signals, give him a book and teach him something that might actually help him. Help him put up a stall on the roadside and teach him to feed himself. If you do, you’ve just now created a job. Poverty will take care of itself now.

Education is a birth right of every individual. An individual can help just one child acquire basic education, and he has contributed immensely. A lot of NGOs and even some government programs have been implemented for this specific purpose. Approaching these organizations to offer your help and support is one step towards the larger goal.

Bragging about your knowledge of the issue plaguing the nation and not once proposing a way to tackle them, well that does not make you a better citizen. I think it’s time now to take responsibility for the country we all have been neglecting so far. The government will always be there to be blamed.