Of Rapes and Reasons

Why do rapes happen?? What are the factors that makes a person so desperate that he fails to differentiate right from wrong, moral from immoral, humanistic behavior from an animalistic one ?? These are some of the numerous questions that arise following every such barbaric incident in the news. And these are some questions that have been left unanswered for long, for every answer is negated by an even more gruesome incident.

But like always, we can count on our politicians to come up with some possible causes of rape so creative and outright idiotic they make even an engineering student blush. The general electorate chooses these politicians, so-called politicians, to represent them and it takes an extraordinary courage for them to exercise their right to vote again in the next elections after such shameful comments.

Non-vegetarian food of all is a cause of rape, an esteemed politician of ours Vinay Bihari enlightened us. Right, because the chicken we consume to satiate our hunger is someone’s mother or sister and our brain cells are overpowered and commanded to rape our own kind as revenge. *slow claps* Chinese food is the more widened range of food that may cause rape, chowmein specifically according to the khap panchayat, who else. So indirectly and rather subtly, the most populous and a manufacturing powerhouse of the globe has been accused of sheltering rapists as citizens. *slow claps*

Mobile phones too somehow are a reason why rapes happen. The victim’s handset acts as the Kryptonite for the rapists and he turns into the villain, a barbaric one. The rapists have cellphones too. Going by that logic, every politician too is a potential rapist. Provocative clothes are another cause. Most justified one of the lots. The rapists seem to have a very keen eye for efficiency. The less the clothes, the less time consuming the process of removing them would be, isn’t it ?? They thus contribute to the GDP growth of the country.

Outrageously enough, but even lifeless mannequins are accused of causing rapes. These poor souls can’t even defend themselves, so a blatant accusation is stamped on them. Ritu Tawade seemed to be a big fan of Toy Story and mannequins are the rapists of her fantasy land. On hearing this, the toys just jumped out of the window in shame.

Chhattisgarh minister Nanki Ram Kanwar explained in astrological terms how the inauspicious phase at the start of 2013 caused rapes. The incidents of rape are consequences of the bad phase controlled by the stars. This must have been a new benchmark in relation to absurdity.

The above mentioned causes are just a fraction of causes. Rape victims, according to some politicians are the prime cause of rapes. *slow claps**roadies salute* This hold weight if you really think about it. The moment you take rape victims out of the equation, rape as an act ceases to exist for lack of an object. The analytic and deductive abilities of the person who made this statement are at par with that of a Nobel laureate. Mulayam Singh Yadav has the most benevolent views when it comes to rapists. Of course boys make mistakes. They trip and unknowingly rape a woman is what he means. And of course, the woman is at fault.

The following amendment should be passed to reduce the multiple rape incidents all over the country, according to the politicians… “The victims shall not eat, sell or in any manner be associated with the production of non-vegetarian Chinese food, shall not own a mobile phone or be in the vicinity of an owner of such a device. The victims shall be draped in 50 meters of saari at all times and clothing of any other form will be deemed provocative. The victims shall maintain safe distance from mannequins.  Above all, the victim must not be the victim in any case.”

Such statements, such comments, such tweets should give the government a good enough reason to invest a lot more in education and to make sure the investments reach the needy.