Thursday, 13 February 2014

Valentine's Week Decoded.

A singleton’s greatest envy, a committed one’s nightmare, Archie’s week of revenue - the annual valentine’s locha is back. The market place, colleges, restaurants are flooded with couples who can’t get enough of each other and us singles of the Forever Alone Club are puzzled over some of the most unusual pairings.

Anyway, here we are counting down the reality behind the Valentine’s week schedule in the absence of another human to spend the time with…

Rose Day…
There’s a reason why a red colored flower is chosen for this special day. It is the color for danger. It was selected after carefully going over all the intricate details. Cupid himself gives you one final warning on the very first day of the Valentine’s fiasco. But as they say “pyar saala andha hota hai, aur pyar karne wala……

Propose Day…
“Aa bail mujhe maar”, as simple as that. It is on this officially designated day that a guy voluntarily agrees to fuck his own wallet, and not just metaphorically. Guy proposes, the lady disposes (more often than naught).

Chocolate Day…
chocolate day
deta hoon
The real situation is not much different from this sorry PJ. The days of milkybar, 5 star are passé. Today’s generation prefers Bournville, badi wali. For those who have their hearts broken the previous day, they can skip this shit right to the 15th Feb.

Teddy Bear Day…
… it’s a reason not to sleep with a guy. For some reason, teddys are a better alternative to humans being your sleeping partners.

Promise Day…
I seriously question its necessity. This is a day on which the planet receives an overdose of lies. Both the male and female parties know nothing you promise is ever truth. But still guys get their creative best and an ‘awww’ reply from the girl is your stamp.

Kiss Day..
Why waste a whole meaningless week before getting to the real deal ?? Why not skip to this day directly ?? On this very auspicious day, you get to know what her lip gloss tastes like. Yes, go ahead and have fun.

Hug Day…
Say this out loud in the rural parts of the country and you will be escorted to the nearest Sulabh or non-Sulabh sauchalaya. But in the urban parts, it has a special significance. If you have successfully made it to this day without much of a scene, you have it in your rights to get your hopes up.

Valentine’s Day…
People get laid on this day. This day is the reason we have children’s day on 14th Nov, nine months down the line. We had a naughty first Prime Minister must say. I seriously propose Rakshabandhan on 14th February. Let them fight it out what it’s gonna be.

After this chaotic and hectic week, life’s back to normal. The days of ignoring each other, regularly scheduled fights for ignoring each other come back.

Restaurants are a tough place for a singleton to receive a respectable customer service during the week. Just the other day I was sitting in a Dominos with my two single friends. We were the only single triplets in the entire outlet of two floors. On top of that, we had to endure the hardship of receiving our own orders while the couples had theirs delivered right on the tables. Sad thing really.

Chalo job hi hai, Happy Valentine’s Day.

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